Almost two months ago I had lung surgery; the mucus membrane of my left lung was removed. The good side: less chance the lung will collapse for a third time. But the bad news: there was more nerve damage than expected, and I’m still having an unusual amount of pain. Just lots. Lots n lots.

My surgeon is keeping an eye on things, and my doctor’s taking good care of me. And me, I’m staying strong. No one could have foreseen this either, I mean, my the surgeon is one of the best, but nerve damage is a given both with pleurectomies and pneumothoraces.

Bit too much pain for me though… This is one shitty situation and hard to stay tough. It’s hard to walk, hard to sleep, hard to clean the house. If I want to stay sharp I can’t use the pain medication, if I do take the medication, I get hazy. Both options suck.

You know, the worst of all is that I can’t go back. I would if I could. But I can’t. This is what I have to deal with, my own new situation, and making sure to put both shoulders under it. I don’t want this to make me feel like a victim, but that’s pretty hard if I’m also feeling like I need to lift left side of my chest whenever I’m walking. It’s like carrying my lung around in my left hand.

So this is where I am now: trying to keep up my spirits, trying to not complain and refusing to let this make me grumpy. I’m lucky because I’m not the grumpy type. But oh my, this is not something I’d recommend to anyone. So just don’t collapse your lung and you’ll stay fine.

Bit behind on the tech, but everything’s working great so there’s nothing that needs to be done. I just had so much new plans, and right now it’s just so hard to implement them. It’ll have to wait. Let’s just hope not for too long…